The hippies retire

With the aging baby boomer professors reaching retirement, some academic departments are losing their activist edge: "When it comes to those who consider themselves 'liberal activists,' 17.2 percent of the 50-64 age group take up the banner compared with only 1.3 percent of professors 35 and younger."

Turns out, professors under 35 do not feel like fighting the culture wars fought by previous generations, as they are too busy trying to pay the bills, raise their kids, and get tenure. But they are happy to have the old folks around:

[Goldrick-Rab, 31] considers herself the “intellectual heir” of her senior colleagues — “It’s like working with your grandparents,” she said fondly. . .

. . . in that you have to smile patiently while they tell you long stories about their heroic protests in the 1960s, and how kids today are selfish little shits.

Go home grandpa

This week's Chronicle is devoted to a problem facing universities, businesses, and families nationwide: How do we get rid of old people?

Professors present an unusual problem when it comes to retirement: They actually like their jobs, and often do not want to leave them.

These professors operate under the illusion that they are still productive and useful members of their departments past the age of 65, while younger academics try to lure them out of their prime office space and onto the golf course.

This leads to what The Chronicle calls the gentle push in which administrators kindly and lovingly push old people out of the way by bribing them to leave. Bribes include: Money, but also "free parking, library privileges" and "computer and e-mail access."

That's right, aging academics -- You can keep your library card! And for those of you who know how to use a computer, you can hang on to that .edu to make you feel like you still have a job even though you've been pushed out on account of being super old. Gentle enough for you, old man?